Thread 2988

Topic: Quest 04 is shit
OP: Rozzcoff

Rozzcoff:

Quest 04 is the most infuriatingly terrible piece of shit I've ever fucking "played." If someone strapped me to a chair and put a cactus and Quest 04 in front of me, I would high five the cactus until my hands were reduced to bloody stumps so that I could at least know I would never again have to play that fucking garbage. The battles are about as fun as picking corn out of an outhouse hole. The landscapes are literally so one-note that at multiple points I thought I had glitched back to the start of the game, and it turned out, no (because this game can't even have fun glitches for fuck's sake), but I cannot count the number of times I accidentally walked back to the same FUCKING town I had just left, because after every battle, GOOD FUCKING LUCK GUESSING WHICH WAY YOU WERE GOING WHEN EVERY DIRECTION LOOKS LIKE THE WINDOWS X-FUCKING-P WALLPAPER. I think the Men In Black must have flashed me with one of their neuralyzers, because get this: I'm sure this game had characters... at least, I think it must have... but I cannot remember ONE of them. What an utter failure. I beat this game YESTERDAY, after finally grinding enough to get through the final boss (don't get me started on the combat in this game, seriously) and my brain is clearly trying to purge everything it can about it, as a survival mechanism. If you've never played Quest 04, consider yourself lucky. I'm pissed. I'm pissed I wasted money on a Controller Pak just for this. I'm pissed I wasted so much of my time waiting for this to get good, and then kept wasting my time knowing it wasn't ever going to get good, but that I needed to at least see it through to the end so that I could tell people that I know for a fact that there's no twist, there's no part where it turns out it was worth it, there's nothing here but pain and tedium: DON'T PLAY THIS GAME.

LuigisRightButtcheek:

Agree to disagree, Rozzcoff: I played it at a buddy's house a few times and I thought it was pretty cool! I understand that if someone was looking for Majora's Mask: 2, this isn't it. But I found the combat to be rather engaging, in a calm sort of way, a lot like a good game of solitaire. Unlocking the new spells was a real treat, like opening presents and seeing what I got! It's probably not the best game ever made, in fact I know that it isn't, but it has some things going for it, and I think your descriptions of it are more than a little harsh.

sheathslut:

guys my dog just nailed me so freaking amazingly

crimeguy033954:

do you think this game is called "Quest 04"?

IsMikeHome:

lol "Quest 04"

diamond3:

lol

Rozzcoff:

It was a fucking typo, assface033954

crimeguy033954:

You called it "Quest 04" four times. Once in the topic and three different times in the post. How did you think Quest 64, a Nintendo 64 game, was called Quest 04?

lilsmellybutt:

sheathslut, wow awesome!

sheathslut:

He's knotted :3

Rozzcoff:

Luigi, why do you obsessively insist on being wrong about everything? I think you're a fucking troll. Saying that Paper Mario had some redeeming features, I could at least see where you were coming from, even if you were fucking wrong about that snoozefest too. Nintendo at least Febrezes their turds. But Quest 64? The worst game I've ever played on this console? The game where in the STARTING AREA, you start at the top of the tallest castle in the fucking universe, and there are so many POINTLESS cookie cutter rooms and staircases, that it's clear the game designers weren't thinking, "Let me make a video game," they were thinking, "Let me make a fortress of boredom that's going to take way too long to get out of, as a metaphor for the shitshow of fuck that we're about to put the player through." I don't think anyone could play the game and even pretend to say a single nice thing about it, unless they were TROLLING. Hmmmmmmm...

lilsmellybutt:

sheathslut, wow like right now?

sheathslut:

yes :3 my monitor and keyboard are still on the floor from a week ago lol iykyk

lilsmellybutt:

You're so lucky! Hope you two are enjoying yourselves hehe

LuigisRightButtcheek:

Like I said, the game isn't revolutionizing the RPG genre, but I guess I like to see the positives in things rather than the negative, and I thought it was fun. I'm not saying that you're wrong for disliking it. Clearly you disliked it, and that's fair enough. I'm just saying that, maybe next time a game is making you that upset, you could turn it off instead of continuing to play it out of hate? sheathslut tell your boyfriend "good boy!" for me!

sheathslut:

lilsmellybutt, hehe ty we are enjoying ourselves, I love being knotted and he was clearly overdue for breeding a bitch :3 I think he's not coming out anytime soon. Luigibutt, I'll do even better and give him a biscuit from you (when I can go anywhere lol)

WowIsThatTrent:

"Quest 04" how the fuck do you fuck up that bad?

Rozzcoff:

Listen assholes, when I'm about to write a post, I try to think of the word/phrase I'm going to have to repeat the most, and then at the start I will copy it, so that I can paste it each time it comes up. This time I knew I would be repeating Quest 64. I made a typo in the topic, and that was the one that I copied, and then accidentally kept pasting in the post.

crimeguy033954:

wtf how bad at typing are you

diamond3:

Quest 64 does suck shit btw

sheathslut:

you know how when a dog is asleep on your foot, you don't get up because you don't want to wake them? Being knotted is sort of like that except the "not asking" version. No complaints.

lilsmellybutt:

sheathslut, do you wanna rp while you're stuck?

sheathslut:

I would love to :3

Rozzcoff:

Luigi, I can't hear you, I don't listen to what TROLLS have to say. Quest 64 wasted my time, money, and brain cells, and I have every right to be mad at it. sheathslut that's AWESOME send pics.

sheathslut:

don't have a digital camera, but basically imagine two dogs stuck butt to butt after mating, except one of the dogs is me

Rozzcoff:

lol

crimeguy033954:

Quest 64 is like, below average. It's not the worst thing ever but it's playable.

lilsmellybutt:

sheathslut, is cub rp ok?

sheathslut:

ru18irl?

lilsmellybutt:

yes lol

LuigisRightButtcheek:

crimeguy033954, I think that's the caliber of analysis that this game deserves. I would personally rate it a little more favorably (not even that much more favorably, mind you, but a little higher), but you really hit the nail on the head with "playable." I would gladly play it right now if I had a copy.

sheathslut:

cub is good with me, if you wanna start :3

lilsmellybutt:

I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, playing Quest 64 :3 I have a sippy cup full of mr pibb, and am still wearing my pajamas and my pullups, which are totally dry this morning, I'm proud to say. I woke up really early, before the sun was even up, and snuck into the living room, and am playing with the volume on 1 so that no one else gets woken up by the noise. In the game, I cast a spell that makes a shadow version of Brian appear. The shadow brian lasts for 3 turns, and can cast ultra darkness magic, which is similar to the wind magic that Normal Brian casts but does five times as much damage. I sip on my mr pibb as I think about which of the enemies in this battle I should focus on first.

sword51:

"Quest 04" lol

sheathslut:

I'm lying in my dog bed, fast asleep, dreaming of chasing squirrels. I'm chasing one towards the back of the yard, when... I open my eyes, and I realize that I'm not outside chasing squirrels, I was only dreaming. I'm actually on my dog bed. Looking up, I can see that lilsmellybutt's bedroom door is open. I stand up, wagging as I walk towards his open door, sniffing the air, already smelling my favorite cub's room, looking forward to greeting him good morning. When I get to his door though, I see that his bedsheets are all a mess, and lilsmellybutt is nowhere to be seen! I sniff the air, smelling where that little cub's scent is the strongest (I am surprised and proud not to smell pee this morning), and begin following after his smell, towards the living room.

lilsmellybutt:

With Shadow Brian's help, I defeat all of the bad guys, and gain another level. Quietly under my breath, I say, "Booyah!" as I do a fist pump.

crimeguy033954:

Luigi, right on. I think we're on the same page about this one, pretty much.

Rozzcoff:

stinkass, there is NO such thing as Shadow Brian in Quest 64, what the hell are you talking about?

lilsmellybutt:

Rozzcoff, in the forest after the second town, there's a 1/1,000 chance each battle that you fight a shadow version of the rabbit enemy, and if you win the fight then you get the Shadow Brian spell :3

Rozzcoff:

You are completely full of shit. So you're claiming that if I do 1,000 fights in that forest (I would rather put my dick in a blender) then on the 1,000th fight I'll fight a shadow bad guy and unlock a secret spell?

lilsmellybutt:

No that is not how statistics works :3 If you have a 1/1,000 chance, and you do it 1,000 times, then it might happen 0 times, or 1 time, or 2 times, or 3 times, or 4 times, or 5 times, or 6 times, or 7 times, or 8 times, or 9 times, or 10 times, or 11 times, or 12 times, or 13 times, or 14 times, or 15 times, or 16 times, or 17 times, or 18 times, or 19 times, or 20 times, or 21 times, or 22 times, or 23 times, or 24 times, or 25 times, or 26 times, or 27 times, or 28 times, or 29 times, or 30 times, or 31 times, or 32 times, or 33 times, or 34 times, or 35 times, or 36 times, or 37 times, or 38 times, or 39 times, or 40 times, or 41 times, or 42 times, or 43 times, or 44 times, or 45 times, or 46 times, or 47 times, or 48 times, or 49 times, or 50 times, or 51 times, or 52 times, or 53 times, or 54 times, or 55 times, or 56 times, or 57 times, or 58 times, or 59 times, or 60 times, or 61 times, or 62 times, or 63 times, or 64 times, or 65 times, or 66 times, or 67 times, or 68 times, 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1,000 times :3 Doing it a thousand times does not guarantee that it will happen on the thousandth time, or at all for that matter.

sheathslut:

Entering the living room, I see lilsmellybutt sitting on the couch playing a video game. I wag wag wag wag wag wag wag when I see him, and go straight to him to say good morning, licking him all over.

lilsmellybutt:

eeeeeeheeheeheehee, I'm so so so happy to see my favorite doggie! I pet pet pet pet pet pet pet allllll over the back, and rub the sides, scratch the rump, and say good morning beautiful :3

sheathslut:

guys it's been like an hour and a half and he's still knotted, I think I'm gonna ask my aunt to pour warm water over us

crimeguy033954:

Warm water? Also do you live with your aunt?

sheathslut:

she lives across the street like a house over lol

crimeguy033954:

Ok. Why the warm water?

sheathslut:

That's how you get dogs unstuck from each other.

crimeguy033954:

I've never heard of that.

sheathslut:

oh. I've never actually tried it before, I just heard that that was a thing.

crimeguy033954:

I don't think that's a thing. I mean, whatever, you could try it.

Rozzcoff:

sheathslut? You okay? I am a little concerned we haven't gotten an update in a while now.

crimeguy033954:

If it's possible to overdose on puppy batter...

lilsmellybutt:

Here lies sheathslut, died from being too awesome.

sheathslut:

He came out! My aunt came over and helped us. I mean, she didn't pull us apart any faster or anything, but she made sure the decoupling was gentle.

lilsmellybutt:

aw hehe, I'm a little sad it's over.

sheathslut:

we can keep the rp going :3

lilsmellybutt:

:D

sheathslut:

Luigi, me and my aunt each gave him a biscuit and called him a good boy for you :3

Rozzcoff:

If I came in here saying that Quest 64 was "playable" and "below average but not the worst thing ever," you would all be saying I was being too nice and that it's the worst thing ever made and you would rather high five a cactus than have to play it ever again.

crimeguy033954:

Rozzcoff, none of us would be saying that.

sheathslut:

I wag at being pet by my favorite cub, loving the percussion of every pat and the brush of every stroke that comes from his lil hands. I hop up onto the couch, and lie down on the cushions right beside him, resting my head squarely on his lap.

gregfab9:

Quest 64 sucks

lilsmellybutt:

Getting the impression that my favorite doggie is still kinda sleepy, I lean down and give my best pal one gentle kiss on the top of the head, and quietly keep playing the game for a little while. As I play, I...

(The thread "Quest 04 is shit" continues for seven years, all remaining posts consisting of sheathslut and lilsmellybutt doing an erp together)