And in Dream I

W.J. (Waking Journal)

Today at work was hell. Stefan called in and Emile and Mariana
didn't cover, so there was no one forklift certified on the shift.
No shit we're not going to have any fork operators if they keep
firing them for finding any criminal record, everyone saw this
coming, everyone would take the guy who did time for trespassing
over having nobody at all. Lizzy had me doing work that's supposed
to be done with a forklift, with a pallet jack and a fucking
ladder. All day. All day, carrying stock up and down, item by
item, and then pulling it from one side of the building all the
way to the other. All day I was thinking, over and over again,
"Sleep cannot come soon enough." My feet were killing me, and I
started to have an ache in my left knee when I would go up the
ladder. My feet are better, kind of, now that I'm at home sitting
in bed and I can take the pressure off them. I just got home. I'm
going to take my sleeping pills and be in a better place.

D.J. (Dream Journal)

When I came into the dream, me and Love were having sex. We were
on our sides in bed. The bed was the bunk bed that my childhood
friend Kennidy had, and it was in his room too, except his room
was way-way-way bigger and had a forest inside of it. Me and Love
were on the top bunk, and the bed was a lot wider than it was in
real life, we had plenty of room up there for us. I was in my
furry coyote form, with a penis and balls, no breasts. Love was in
her furry german shepherd form, with a vagina, medium sized
breasts. As we laid there on our sides facing the same way, I was
slowly, savoring-ly, sliding my coyote penis in and out of her
human vag. We both tend to go animal for the male genitalia, human
for the female, when we're in our furry forms; not always, but it
seems to be that way a lot of the time. As we were having sex, I
had my muzzle-y coyote chin planted on her shoulder, slobbering on
her fur a little bit, and I was hugging her, reaching my arms
around her german shepherd-haired body to pet her tummy and grab
her boobs. When I had been in the dream for a while and savoring
it, we said while still having sex:

<3 -- "Your knot feels perfect."

|| -- "You feel perfect, my love. All of you. I can't get enough
of all of you. Your heat, your fur, your beautiful pointy ears. I
needed this."

<3 -- "I needed it just as much. Let it all out in me."

|| -- "I love you."

<3 -- "I need you."

I started to hump her faster, and was in love with her moans. I
began putting my fingers in her mouth as I humped her, pressing
her big canine tongue and feeling her strong canine teeth. At one
point I went to take my hand away from her mouth, and she grabbed
my hand and stuck it back in. Soon I was ready to finish, but
didn't want to yet, so I said:

|| -- "Let's switch."

I pulled my knot out of her, and she turned around so that we were
face to face on the bed, and then I gave myself a cunt that was
wet and needy and roaring to go, and she had a german shepherd
balls and sheath with a red tip sticking out of the end of the
sheath, and she licked my whiskers once and then pressed her
sheath against my cunt and started humping, and soon her penis was
sliding in and out of my front, and soon I could feel her knot
swelling. I spasmed with orgasm after orgasm and she filled me and
used me.

She fucked me for a really long time, and when she finished, I had
such an intense final orgasm around her knot, fatigued from
already cumming so much. That final orgasm consumed all of my
thoughts inside of it, my every thought was a climax of orgasm
from Love's swelled penis.

While she had me knotted, we spent a long time there, front to
front, catching our breath and looking at one another and running
our fingers across the hair on each other's faces and petting one
another's heads.

Eventually when we had caught our breath, we were having a chipper
conversation, while she was still knotted in my cunt. I forget a
lot of it, but a part I remember was:

<3 -- "Was work today really dumb?"

|| -- "It WAS, how did you guess?"

<3 -- "Pff. It's dumb every day."

|| -- "It really is just the worst."

<3 -- "I'm glad you're here right now and not there."

|| -- "Same. I'll take being knotted by you over basically
anything."

<3 -- "Even speedrunning Zelda?"

|| -- "I would never touch a video game again, if it was between
that and you leaking dog juice into me."

<3 -- "I didn't know you had THAT much of a hard-on for me."

|| -- "Love."

<3 -- "I know, I'm teasing. Mm, your puss feels so good."

|| -- "Your boner feels amazing."

She rolled her eyes when I said boner. I still haven't found out
what her preferred term is, I think it might be one I've already
tried and she's just toying with me.

When her knot slid out of me, we made out and drummed pats on each
other. Then Love said:

<3 -- "Let's run fast."

She and I became ferals and we leapt off of the bunk bed and began
running around through the woods that's in Kennidy's room. Most of
the time she's a german shepherd but is sometimes a cheetah; I am
a coyote about half of the time, and a stallion most of the rest
of the time, and occasionally a colt.

W.J.

Work today was fine. It sucked, but it was fine, relatively. I was
scanning boxes and putting the stickers on them. It sounds easy,
but a lot of times the barcodes don't scan until I really work the
laser around on them for a while, and then, after I put on even
like 10 stickers, the adhesive started to really pull away the
skin on my fingertips. Not visibly, for the most part, but it
feels like that, it felt like my skin is being ripped off with
every label. But, compared to other tasks, not complaining.

D.J.

When I came into the dream, me and Love were grilling veggies on a
grill at our beach-adjacent mansion house. The sunlight felt
serene on my fur and on my face and shoulders. I was a furry
coyote wearing a black tanktop and black underwear, I had a cunt
and no boobs. Love was a furry cheetah and had a vagina and no
breasts, she was wearing black sweatpants and a hawaiian shirt and
had a lei hanging from her neck. I don't remember very much about
what we were grilling, other than that it was vegetables on the
grill and that they smelled delicious as they cooked. I mainly
remember just having a pure feeling of serenity, happiness,
contentment, peace, joy, at being there with her.

Later on, me and Love were down at the beach, standing on the
water as the sun was setting, and playing catch with a baseball,
throwing it back and forth to one another. Our throws were great,
heavy and accurate, and I don't remember either of us ever having
to run or jump to be able to make a catch, I just remember her
throws landing perfectly, smacking into my hand, and then I would
throw it back.

The last part before I woke up was that me and her went under the
water. We could breathe like we were still in air, and the water
was hot, like we were in a hot tub. We could have our eyes open
too. And so we were there on the sand under the water, smiling at
each other, and I was running my fingers through the wet cheetah
hair on her face, and I was wagging.

W.J.

My biggest desire is to go to sleep and never wake up again. There
is the real world that the love of my life dwells in where I can
be my real forms and enjoy my real pleasures. Then I am cursed to
wake up, and be stuck in the same body forever and do made up work
so that somebody's make believe spreadsheet makes them look good
to their boss, and then that boss can look good to their boss, and
so on. I long for eternity covered in fur and with my love, where
the notion of moving product around is a distant memory from an
old, long-disintegrated world.

D.J.

When I came into the dream, I was walking around in a library. The
library wasn't one I had ever been in before, I was visiting
somewhere new. The library was huge, with stairways going up and
down, crisscrossing to different floors, now and then I had to
walk through an open courtyard, and the green grass in the lawns
wavered in the summer heat. Eventually I peered around a shelf,
and there in a little reading area with a few tables was my old
friend Mark. He was alive again, his tattoo sleeves looked super
sharp, like he had gotten them touched up recently.

`{ -- "I'm gonna sell my car. I never even use it, it's easier to
get around on the subway anyways, so I think, sell the car,
reinvest the money. I'll take a bus if I ever need to go out of
town for something."

He drives that car all the time, so this didn't sound like a great
plan to me, but I didn't really say anything about his business, I
continued along through the library.

W.J.

Mariana asked today when we were walking to the break room if I'm
married. I told her no. I thought about mentioning my love, but
she went on to talk about how not getting married is smart of me,
her first marriage just wasn't what a partnership should be, her
second husband who she's still with is much better, but marriage
isn't something you need to rush into. I nodded along and didn't
really comment.

D.J.

When I came into the dream, me and Love were standing on the beach
at our mansion house, in the sunset. She was touching my face,
licking her german shepherd fingertips and smoothing down parts of
my coyote face hair. She adjusted the sash that I was wearing. I
was wearing black formal pants and a rich blue collared shirt, and
had a black sash to represent work I had recently done feeding the
hungry. Love was wearing a black dress that had a streak of blue
going across the front, it looked like someone had tossed a
handful of powdered blue chalk diagonally across the front of her
dress. Sometimes when I looked at her again it was the same idea,
a black outfit with the streak of blue chalk, but she was wearing
black pants and a black collared shirt.

<3 -- "We're ready."

There on the beach in the sunset, we hugged, and then when we
parted we were inside the entrance of a restaurant where we were
meeting my old friend Mark and Crystal, his mom.

<3 -- "Snookums!"

I follow the sound of Love's voice, and see that she is standing
by a waitress and needs me to come follow them. The waitress, a
human, leads us through the restaurant around corner after corner,
until we arrive at Mark and Crystal. When we sit down at the table
we learn that Mark and Crystal have already picked out what me and
Love are going to order. Me and Love share looks with one another,
acknowledging without saying anything that that was rude of them
to decide without us, but then me and Love also kind of start
sharing smiles with one another, acknowledging without saying
anything that this is part of the fun of having rude friends, that
later on the drive home we're going to have so much to laugh at
about with each other. In some ways we wouldn't have it any other
way.

I had a really tasty rootbeer and tried some of Love's strawberry
soda and liked it. I remember that we all had a really long and
detailed conversation, and all throughout Crystal was really funny
and also made a lot of really good points.

The only part I remember specifically doesn't illustrate that
entirely, but it was:

`{ -- "You don't even need strings and a neck to play guitar like
the real famous guitarists do. Just hang a sheet off of a line,
and bat on it with some sticks."

<3 -- "Ugh, you would."

`{ -- "I'm not even wrong, try it, record it analog, play Van
Halen side by side by side by side with it and you won't know the
difference."

<3 -- "Preposterous."

`{ -- "Try it with your napkin and knife."

<3 -- "Shush. Enough about that. Who is everyone's favorite
guitarist, like, actual guitarist?"

I think about a time me and Love were in the jungle and there was
a stage made of yellow blocks of stone and everyone in the
audience and on the stage was an animal, hyenas and foxes and some
bears looming over us who were meandering around through the
crowds of us smaller animals, and some rats scurrying around lower
than us. The foxes on the stage were batting their instruments
with their front paws, it came out sounding thrilling and
beautiful. When the guitarist fox began his guitar solo he started
pouncing all around the instrument, scratching at it with his
forepaws and kicking it with his hindpaws as he leapt across it
again and again, and that was my favorite guitarist I've ever
heard, no contest. I give a glance to Love as we sit there at the
table in the restaurant, and she squeezes my arm in her hands and
gives my cheek a little kiss, she knows this is the guitarist who
I'm thinking of.

/^ -- "Back in Duluth, well, actually this would have been a
little bit outside of Duluth, but, that's where I was living at
the time. I was seventeen, I had a fake ID, and I was the warrior
empress of the whole wide world, I thought back then. I was in a
bar that I wasn't supposed to be in, and I saw this man on the
stage, and I never caught his name, but it was him up there with a
guitar, and he was doing fun songs, lively but invisible things
that people were having their own conversations over, I wasn't
even paying much attention to him really. But then he started
playing this different song, and it was like he had become an
angel. And his guitar was like he had started plucking harp for a
queen. And suddenly, he had that entire bar wrapped around his
finger. And that man, whatever his name was, that's my favorite."

|| -- "Oh wow, that's amazing. It's really cool that you got to be
there for that."

/^ -- "Oh excuse me, I know I was supposed to answer Eddie Vedder
or something like that, not tell you about this bar from a long
time ago that you can't look up."

<3 -- "No, no! Our favorite guitarist is a really long story."

Mark has his hand raised in front of himself.

<3 -- "Yes, Mark?"

`{ -- "Try the sticks."

That really is so Mark, to be so convinced of something that no
one else has heard about. I don't know whether or not in the dream
it would have worked if any of us tried it.

Afterwards me and Love were out behind the restaurant, just the
two of us. It was nighttime and we could only see by the light of
the orange-yellow-ish tall parking lot lights, but we weren't even
right under those, we were kind of over by the dumpster.

<3 -- "I want to show you these gem rings I got on my last
adventure."

Love took four rings out of her pocket, one of them had a gem on
it that was bluegreen, another green, another yellow, and the last
one red.

Love put the yellow one onto my middle finger, and I felt a heavy
golden crown appear on my head, and heavy gold bracelets and
anklets.

I took it off, and put on the red one instead, and then I looked
down at my hands and saw I had red fur, black and white striped
demon claws, fire spouting out at points on my wrists. I took the
red gem ring off too.

Love put on the bluegreen ring on one hand and the green ring on
the other hand, and then she looked like a really small weeping
willow tree.

|| -- "Thank you for showing these to me."

<3 -- "I trust you, you know?"

It was a really good night for us, I really liked it.

W.J.

Ran a bunch of errands today, mostly just miscellaneous bits of
shopping, it was a nice day out, warm and sunny with a breeze that
would roll through now and then, and I enjoyed driving around. I
ran into Lucy in line at the Panda Express, she still lives in the
apartment building from when I first moved here although I forget
the name of it again. She invited me to a neighborhood cookout a
couple days from now, and I plan on going, I think it'll be nice
to see some of those people again. At home I played around with
Ocarina of Time a bit, playing around with Bombchus to see what
happens releasing them outside of the areas and stuff like that,
what kinds of collision are out there and how they react to that.

D.J.

When I came into the dream, I was sitting on a couch in me and
Love's beach mansion, facing the black face of an off flat screen
TV, as sunlight shined in through the window beside me. I stood
up, and walked down the hall, and looked into one of our guest
bedrooms. There on the neatly made bed, sunlight shining in past
the thin curtains, I saw Love in her furry german shepherd form
with a dog penis and a series of breasts going down her chest. She
had her penis in hand, masturbating, and she continued to pleasure
herself as she looked up at me. I was in my furry black lab form,
which I realized I had not been in for a while. I had a cunt and
pair of breasts. I went onto the bed, and began sucking on Love's
penis, now and then stopping to suck on her breasts. I was happily
lost for a long time in the euphoria of her belly warmth, her sex
tastes, her dog smells. Eventually as I continued to suck on her,
she used a hand to pleasure my pussy, rubbing the outside, running
her fingers along me in a way that was just perfect, it was just
what the moment needed to become perfect.

W.J.

The men's room at work had some kind of plumbing issue, and
everyone has to use the women's room now. It's absurd how freaked
out everyone is by this. It's as though the apocalypse has been
heralded. They put out a table by the entrance with two cards that
you can flip over as you enter and exit. One says OCCUPIED /
VACANT, the other says MAN / WOMAN. You were only supposed to go
in if it was vacant, or if the gender card matched you. Towards
the end of the day Lizzy went around saying that they had changed
it from the card, to just having it so that each hour, guys can
use the restroom from 0 - 14, girls from 15 - 29, guys from 30 -
44, and girls from 45 - 59.

D.J.

When I came into the dream, me and Love and another furry we had
just met while out for a walk were all at the beach at our mansion
house, bumping a volleyball around between ourselves. It reminded
me of that game as a kid, Don't Let The Balloon Touch The Floor. I
was a furry black lab again, this time with a penis that had the
tip coming out of the sheath a little as we played, balls, no
breasts, no pants, no shirt, and a harness made of light blue
straps, complete with a matching blue collar. Love was in her
furry german shepherd form, vagina, breasts, no pants, a t-shirt
with a Smashing Pumpkins album cover on the front, although
sometimes when I look again it's a Green Day album cover or once
it was Neutral Milk Hotel. She had a canine vulva this time, which
isn't very common when she's in a furry form, I usually only see
that on her when she's on all fours, but she looked great with it,
there in her cool music tees, in the sunlight, playing volleyball
with us. The other furry, who we had just met a bit ago, was a
white rabbit, flat chest, I don't know other details because he
was fully clothed the entire time, wearing jeans with rips in the
knees, and a t-shirt that was a concert tee for some metal band.
He had a pierced jowl and a row of piercing across one eyebrow,
and had studs all around his long ears. I had never gotten the
rabbit's name earlier, and I intended to bring it up with Love
later, because I think she had gotten it but I'd missed it.

I remember now and then my stomach grumbled, but I wasn't hungry,
and we all kept playing, and it was a lot of fun, it was a good
time.

W.J.

There is often no conclusion in dreams, other than waking up.
Sometimes it ends on a moment of climax, a bright flash or a
sudden impact that startles me awake, but often times things are
in the middle of happening, and then the dream ends. This is not
too much in contrast of the waking world. Often things happen, and
then life goes on, without any moment of climax, without any
definitive resolution. Sometimes there is climax: a graduation to
end schooling, a car crash to end your time spent with a vehicle,
and of course there is the big moment, death.

From a materialist perspective, it is likely that when I die in
the waking world, I will never dream again. My brain will cease to
have the energy it needs to create an experience of reality for
me, the energy required being the same whether I am waking or
dreaming. Eventually, or, depending on how I die, perhaps
immediately, my brain would no longer even have the structures
needed even if it did have the energy again. The parts of the
brain that invoke sensory experiences would decompose, or be eaten
by wild animals, or get smeared across the road after I was hit by
a bus, or whatever the case may be, but, I am not so famous that
someone would preserve my brain in a jar, try everything to get it
working again some day in the future.

From a spiritual perspective, it is likely that when I die in the
waking world, I will be sent off to an eternity in dreams. The
afterlife, whether Heaven or some other thing, feels, in my heart
of hearts, like it would be very dream-like. I would no longer
have any fixed obligations, no damnation to a single fixed body, I
would be free from the laws of space and time, I could be with
Love and everyone I've ever cared for and new friends who I
haven't met yet and we could experience all of the things that we
would ever dream of, endlessly. Death in the waking world could,
from a spiritual perspective, be the best thing that ever happens
to me.

From a practical perspective, I don't know whether materialism or
spirituality is correct. I don't know what will happen after my
heart has beat for the last time, and the lights have gone out.
But I know that right now, by serving the waking world, I am every
night turned over to dreams. I know for a fact that continuing to
wake is a way of continuing to dream. It's something that was on
my mind today. That maybe there is solace in waking, for the fact
that every time there is one more day, there will be one more
night, and I will get to dream.